About 6 years ago I had this grandiose idea of writing a book about my life story.  I think I had just watched an inspiring movie and thought, “I like fantasy, I”ll write a story about my life with a fictional, fantasy sort of bent.”   Yeah right.  I pulled out some fresh, clean very blank paper and had no words to write.   However, I did come up with a measly outline, but no words in “story form” were coming.  

As I was thinking about how no words were coming, I started doodling and out came a very rough sketch of the picture above.  I was startled how easily this sketch was to draw.  I was even more amazed at how I had this “deep sense of knowing” that this picture was something that I would use in a bigger way later on, even though I had no idea when that time was going to come.

I tried embellishing it a few days later, even tried to add some words, but nothing came.  So, I put it away in my drawer only to be picked up about 3 years later.  That was when a friend of mine and I decided to lead a women’s weekend getaway.  What was going to be the theme?  Yep, you guessed it, our life story of course.  Oh yes, I committed myself not only to leading a group of women, but also had to come up with something about my story that offered courage, empowerment and hope.  Eek, how would I do that? 

The light bulb came on and I remembered my very important sketch.  I rummaged through the drawers finding it under a stack of books and journals.  I knew now was the time to embellish it, and it came quite easily.  I enlarged it and there it was.  GULP.  Now I had a visual aide to use while I was telling my story to this group of women.

This experience of leading, speaking and showing my “inner self” was probably hands down, one of the most scary times I’ve experienced.  Talk about stepping out of your comfort zone!  However, it was also one of the most wonderfully empowering times I’ve experienced and I received much joy and blessing from it. 

So, how about your story?  We all have one.  Have you ever thought of drawing it?  It doesn’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to be an artist.  I challenge you to give it a try, and see what happens! You don’t have to share it right away, but I challenge you to be willing to contribute it to the world in your own unique way, when the time is right. 

I’d love to hear what gold nuggets you take away from it. 

Pam Day

I’ve made it a habit to do something everyday that scares me, even if it’s something small.  I’ve found that doing this helps make the really big scary stuff look less big and less scary. 

This has proved true for many of my clients as well. Here’s an example:
Meet Paul, a 36 year-old man in a job that he worked hard to get.  Paul spent years in school gaining the right skills and in internships meeting the right people.  He found the perfect “starter” job at the ideal company and put in lots of long, hard hours to make it up the ladder to his “dream” job. 

Now he’s arrived, he’s successful, the money is great, the benefits are amazing, and he’s well respected in his industry. It’s all working out exactly how he planned; except for one thing…he’s miserable.  All his energy, time, and creativity for many years had been focused on achieving his “dream” job.  Now he’s made it and it doesn’t feel like he thought it would.  Instead, it feels hollow, meaningless, and exhausting.

He doesn’t know what to do next, but he knows he has to do something because it’s started to affect his family life and his health.  He feels drained and tired all the time and never really feels like doing much of anything.  He knows he’s got more to give the world, but he’s afraid to let go of his “dream” and move on. 

But now he’s fed up and ready to take action!  He starts by doing little things every day that scare him;

• He starts talking to his wife about how he’s feeling about his career path and asks for support,
• He takes an honest look at his health and begins to make changes in his eating and exercise habits,
• He evaluates his current job and really looks at what fits him and what doesn’t,
• He makes time for himself in order to reconnect with who he really is at his core and to let go of the idea of who he’s supposed to be.

Over time, Paul is able to better understand the choices that led him to an unfulfilling career and make more informed decisions about how to move forward toward something more in line with his values and passions.  By taking small steps consistently over time, doing things that seem scary and overwhelming, and being committed to the process of transition; Paul is able to make powerful changes in his life that positively affect everyone that loves him and virtually everyone he meets.

 What can you do today that scares you?

Today after the big rainstorm, I looked out my back door to find a few birds in my yard; a mother and two babies screaming for food.  The mother was patiently looking around for food, while the babies were following as closely as the could, beaks wide open, screaming more, more, I’m hungry!  I wondered if the babies were ever satisfied. 

Observing them, brought the metaphor to mind, “like a bird that pushes their young out of the nest.”  I did some research and discovered that most experts say most birds do not push their young out.  Who knew!  Okay, maybe you knew. 

Below is just a segment of an interesting article by Will Laughlin, MA, MAT with New Haven, A Therapeutic Haven & School for Girls.  You can read the article in its entirety here.  

“Birds do not, as a rule, push their young out of the nest,” says Jessica Griffiths, Coordinator of the Big Sur Ornithology Lab. That would be counter-productive, since they want their young to be ready for independence before leaving the nest so that they will survive.” “As it turns out, there is more to learn from an accurate understanding of how eagles teach their young to fly than there is from the myth of the big push. For eagles, the transition from nest-bound adolescence to soaring adulthood is a gradual process that, according to ornithologists, relies on a combination of benevolent manipulation and guided experimentation.” 

“Ornithologists have observed eagles coaxing, even taunting, their young from the nest, rather than just giving them a shove. When the fledgling eagle is almost ready to fly, parents have been observed to swoop by the nest with a fresh kill. Instead of landing in the nest as usual to share the meal, the parent lands near the nest and eats in plain view of its squawking, hungry teenager. This behavior continues until the fledgling is hungry enough to venture out of the nest, at which point the parent will share its food. This taunting behavior creates the appetite and incentive necessary for the fledgling to venture out of the nest of its own volition in pursuit of what it wants.”

While Will uses his article superbly as metaphor for teens, I think it also has profound application to those of us who are adults.

• When we are in a place of transition (getting ready to leave our comfortable “nest”), we need preparation in order to “fly.”  We cannot expect to fly perfectly the first time out.  It takes planning, practice and patience.  It is comforting to know that moving into a different place in our lives does not mean we have to take a leap into thin air without any safety or support. The parents of the baby eagle creates independence in a gradual, supportive process so their young will survive.  Many of us need this kind of supportive process.
• If we do not have this necessary preparation and support, what are we willing to do about it? Do we want to live the rest of our lives living in “the nest?”  Maybe we need to consider using the eagle’s tactics.  That is, find someone who will help us step out on to safe ground and discover what we want.  That supportive individual will be nearby the nest with the vital food that we need to move on with our lives.  Are we hungry enough to step outside our comfort zone and pursue what we are created to be?

Pam Day

This past weekend I attended the Colorado State Chapter Convention of P.E.O. (Philanthropic Educational Organization). It was an empowering experience and I met a lot of amazing women who are changing the lives of women all over the world.

P.E.O., one of the pioneer societies for women, was founded on January 21, 1869, by seven students at Iowa Wesleyan College in Mount Pleasant, Iowa. Today, P.E.O. has grown from that tiny membership of seven to almost a quarter of a million members in chapters in the United States and Canada. The P.E.O. Sisterhood is passionate about its mission: promoting educational opportunities for women.

The impact this organization has had in the lives of women since 1907 is profound. P.E.O. loans and scholarships totaling well over $199 million have been provided to over 83,000 women.  AND they own a two-year women’s college, Cottey College.

As I have been processing the depth of information I received over the course of the convention, I am struck by a few “universal” thoughts that I want to share with you.

• The seven founding women of P.E.O. followed through on a dream and thus have had profound and lasting impact in the lives of thousands of women all over the world.

[Don’t be afraid to dream big! Who knows where it will take you if you just put it into action?]

• It takes a lot of courage for a large organization steeped in tradition to make bold changes in order to adapt to the changing needs of women today.

[Change and adaptability show great strength and can be done while still showing respect and gratitude for that which has come before.]

• The strength and community that comes with sharing ideas and challenges with peers is tremendous.

[Don’t be afraid to ask for help and be willing to share your experience with others so you can lift each other up.]

• The balance of formality and fun builds a strong foundation from which great things can be accomplished.

[Balance and moderation are key ingredients for true success.]

How can you apply these concepts in your daily life, career, or business?

Please welcome our guest contributor, Carl Dierschow.  Carl is a certified organizational leadership and career coach with Possibilities Partnership, and brings a wealth of experience in career and business management.

I had a great discussion today with some colleagues who are looking to develop various healthy partnerships – in their lives and in their businesses.  I brought out a number of useful concepts which can help make the difference between success and, well, not so great.

What makes a partnership is that you have a stable, articulated, shared goal.  I might interact with a lot of people in my life, but there’s a limited number of occasions where it’s worthwhile to come to agreement around a shared goal, to articulate that clearly, and to keep it stable for a relatively long period of time.

There’s a cost to partnerships, which is the work it takes to set up the relationship, the investment to keep it productive and fruitful over time, and that there are risks with placing your trust in others.  But the benefit is that you’re able to accomplish much more as a group, including things that no one could have done on their own.

But not everything should be a partnership.  Do I want to be in partnership with my favorite grocery store?  No – that’s just based on transactions that we have.  It might a long term relationship, but we don’t really share any important goals.

On the other hand, I’ve worked hard to create solid partnerships in my business.  It’s crucial that we know which goals we’re working on together, and each giving more than 50% to make it successful.  My business depends on them, but theirs also depends on me.

For more on the results of our discussion, including key dimensions to address when entertaining a partnership, check out the notes here.

For more information about Carl’s organizational leadership coaching, please go to www.possibilitiespartnership.com.  He maintains a career blog and newsletter at www.dierschow.com, where you can also find his book, Mondays Stink! 23 Secrets to Rediscover Delight and Fulfillment in Your Work.

“My kids are great; they never come to me with big problems!”  Really?  As a Coach, I would have to ask, if they are teenagers, they are faced with big problems all the time, so if they don’t come to you, who are they going to?  That is a scary thought.  If your kids aren’t coming to you to talk about the issues they are facing, their fears, or their challenges, why aren’t they? 

Perhaps they have learned that if they come to you, you are too busy to listen, too busy with the littler kids, working, on the phone, watching a game, or perhaps they have learned that if they come to you, you won’t listen to the whole situation and you will react and not truly hear them. 

Think back to the last major interaction you had with your child where they came to you with something important.  How did you react?  In every interaction, we either learn something or teach something.  What did they learn about how you will react? Kids learn quickly, and if you are constantly teaching them that you don’t have time, or you don’t have the patience to hear them, they will find someone else that does, and you don’t know who that will be; the point is, it isn’t you, and it should always be you.

Communication is a two-way street.  You can only control your side of it.  Usually, when your child comes to you with a crisis, they don’t wait until you are alone, and full of patience – when it rains, it pours.  So, often, when your child comes to you, you are in the middle of something else that you can’t always put down.  What you need is a little warning. 

One client I have has implemented a “note” system.  She keeps these notes in a handy place, and if someone (her husband included) has a crisis, they pull one of these notes and hand it to her.  Her job then is to acknowledge the note, and let that person know she will be with them in 10, 15, or 30 minutes.  She knows that she needs to address this as soon as possible, and the other person feels they have been heard – even though they haven’t said anything yet.  This also gives her a few moments to get her game face on, go into this meeting with some composure.  At my house, my kids usually come and tell me, “Mom, I have something we need to talk about, and it’s big!”  I let them know I will be with them in, say, 10 minutes, when I am off the phone.  It is very important to follow through on your promise. 

This is just one of the issues and ideas covered in our recent “Creating a Safe Place Workshop.”  This was an exciting, interactive workshop, with some very powerful questions and answers from the participants. 

What tools have you implemented into your household to facilitate a safe space for communication? How has it changed your family dynamic?

To learn more about the Center for Empowering Transformation, go to www.CenterForEmpoweringTransformation.  For more information about Victoria Edge, go to www.mindsetlifecoach.com.

I began playing piano when I was about 4 and took lessons for many years until some point in high school.  I have to admit that I hated practicing (and hardly ever did) and somewhat grudgingly participated every year in the recitals and competitions.  I stopped playing when I went to college and didn’t start again until a few years ago.

I moved around a lot and lived mostly in apartments until I met my husband and we moved into the farm house where we currently live.  Two things happened shortly after we moved in: 1) I realized I wanted to play piano again almost desperately and 2) I realized it might be possible now to own a piano.  Soon things fell into place. We bought an old piano at the local Habitat for Humanity Thrift Store which they graciously delivered to our home and that was that.  Suddenly, I had a piano.

Initially, playing piano again was a little intimidating.  I wanted the training wheels back on my bike so-to-speak. I didn’t have any of my old piano books.  Thinking I would have a hard time remembering anything, I started looking for beginners books to start the learning over again.  I searched high and low on the internet and at local music stores for books I recognized…something familiar to start with seemed safe. I soon had a good pile of books and was finally ready to get started.

Once I sat down to play, it all came rushing back.  I didn’t really need the training wheels. It really was like riding a bike…a little rusty at first, but soon I was playing at the same level I was when I stopped playing many years before.

But this time…something was different.  The drudgery and dread, that I had experienced often when I played as a child, was completely gone. My distaste for practicing, the anxiety about lessons, the pain of memorizing new music, the terror I felt preparing for recitals…that was all gone.  I was suddenly free to plunk, piddle, and play my little heart out without any care or concern.

It was so liberating!  I soaked it up. I thirsted for more.  I played everyday, sometimes for hours at a time.  I enjoyed learning new music and ached for that next challenging piece.  It opened up a space inside of me that had hardened and all but disappeared.

I was having frivolous fun!  There were no strings attached. I had no thoughts of “how can I turn this into a money-making activity?” (like I did with most things that I thought would be fun but thought I had better find a way to make them productive to justify doing them). I was free to explore, create, and make mistakes. There was no real purpose besides fun.  There was no judgment, no criticism, no expectation.  Just plain old-fashioned fun.

My piano marked the beginning of a process of self-discovery centered around how I define fun.  Obviously, this is something I am still working on.  I’m still learning how to “play.” I’m learning how to feed my creative side. I’m learning how to take better care of all aspects of me.

To this day, playing piano is a meditative, energy-shifting, therapeutic experience for me.  When I sit down to play, I instantly feel my chest open up, my breathing slow down, and the joy bubble up in my heart.

What’s your piano?

Is there something in your past experience of play that you could revisit and open up that place inside you?  I encourage you to reconsider a playful activity that inspires you and feeds your creative side.

Here are some ideas of some things you can try to get you started:

• bang on pots and pans,
• finger-paint,
• sew a little pin cushion,
• photograph flowers,
• write a silly play and perform it with friends and family,
• create entire towns out of Lincoln Logs,
• fly paper airplanes,
• color in some old coloring books,
• create funny people with playdoh,
• make a sand castle,
• make a card for a loved one,
• make up a dance routine to your favorite song,
• write your own theme song.

I hope this will at least get you started thinking about something fun you can do “just because.”

We had our monthly Tele-Class yesterday with Rachel Lane CFP & Professional Life Coach.  The topic was based on the book The Energy of Money,  by Maria Nemeth Ph.D. Thanks to all of you who attended.

Several concepts stuck out for me during the class and I wanted to post one for discussion. We invite you to join in on the conversation and post your comments. We would love to hear from you!

Concept: How old beliefs about money can block the flow in all aspects of our lives. This affirms just how powerful our thoughts are and how they run our lives in positive and negative ways.

I had a real life experience just recently regarding this concept. Last night I woke up in a panic, fearful that we didn’t have enough money, and that it was going to be very hard to get more coming in. This was an old belief and reaction that I’ve dealt with for years. However, this extreme feeling of panic has not occurred in months. I was able to shut off my mind and fall back to sleep; however, I woke up with the burden that it left behind.

I shared what happened with my husband and he had compassion for my plight.  Then he immediately said, “that is not truth, it’s all perfect and the money is coming in.” This was just what needed to happen! His words immediately lifted my burden just by hearing him say them. In turn, it gave me the confidence to say them aloud and shift that old thought process.

The moral of this story is, be conscious of your thoughts and old belief systems that keep you stuck and defeated. If you are having problems shifting them, share your burden with someone that you trust and ask them for support. Ask them to speak blessings and positive words into your life, listen and repeat it for yourself.

What about you? For those of you who attended the Tele-Class, what stuck out for you?

How do old belief systems around money show up in your life?

What do you do when they sabotage you?

Thanks in advance for sharing.

Pam Day

I recently read a post from Pamela Slim’s Blog, How do you want to lead your life?   I really enjoyed reading this because it brought about some self-analysis in my own life.  Shocking I know!  That I, of all people would do self-analysis. 

Pamela posed a very good question.  “How do you demonstrate leadership in your own life?”  I think we all have different ideas about what leadership means and looks like in our lives.  The premise is, how do you want to show leadership in your life, verses buying into other people’s definition of what leadership is or needs to be. 

The question becomes, if we are going to demonstrate leadership in our lives, then we will need to make some changes.  When we talk about change, many people have a knee-jerk reaction.  They get all cold and clammy, distracted and nervous.  Some people just don’t like change.  Why?  Here are some of the reasons I’ve heard.  It’s too scary or risky.  It will require too much.  It will upset my whole life.  What if we looked at change this way.  You get to choose how big or how little you want the change to be.  You get to decide if it’s something you really want.  You get to choose if it’s the right time and if it’s pertinent to your growth at this point in your life.  Changes don’t have to be extreme.  We don’t have to buy into an “all or nothing” mentality. Changes can start in our thinking, and be very small steps, which may naturally move into larger steps.  

For instance, I might want to make changes, (thus demonstrating leadership in my life), by: 

•    Making a decision about something that has been on the back burner for a while. 
•    Doing things that give me energy. 
•    Implementing a creative schedule so I can create space in my life to do the things I’ve wanted to do.
•    Giving myself permission to take a 30-minute break each day.
•    Deciding if I want to live the rest of my life being “superwoman/man.”  (Trying to please everyone and do everything and not putting myself of the list.)
•    Choosing if I want to stay in a career/work environment where I am constantly undervalued, unappreciated or have to compromise my values.

Granted some of these examples may require taking a risk, and may bring with them fearful thoughts and feelings.  I love this quote about fear by Susan Jeffers.  “We can not escape fear.  We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us on all our exciting adventures…Take a risk a day, one small or bold stroke that will make you feel great once you have done it.”  If none of us ever made changes in our lives, where would our world be? 

I believe this is what leadership in our own lives is all about. And believe me, I’m speaking to myself here as well. If we aren’t willing to make changes, and take a few risks, then everything stays the same and can become stagnant.  Is that how we want to demonstrate leadership in our lives/careers? 

How about you?  What are your concerns about change?  What changes do you want to make in order to demonstrate leadership in your life/career?  Who does it require you to be in order to make these changes?   Thanks in advance for your comments.

Pam Day